If only someone knew...

Ignorance is indeed bliss

2011-08-05T01:22:00.006+08:00

Ignorance is indeed bliss

To know or not to know
Once you do, guilt will haunt you if you do not do something about it.
You try, but denial slaps you back in the face
You become confused; is what you know true?
If it was, you fault yourself for not being persistent
If something happens and you know that you could have prevented it, the guilt will kill you.
To know or not to know
I’d rather not.

Life/Death

2011-03-07T00:30:00.002+08:00

Life/Death

Funny, those who want death, yet death do not find them.
Funny, those who do not deserve death, are gone forever.
Funny, how life can be taken away just like a blink of an eye
Funny, how one moment we were talking, the next moment, he is gone forever.
We indeed cannot control our time on Earth.

To my friend, Karmede Salim : You will be dearly missed.

He.

2010-12-14T23:23:00.000+08:00

He.

The look in his eyes as he spoke.

I know deep down inside he wants to be part of us.

Why did things turn out the way they are now?

Words being thrown at each other, killing the spark of hope that could bring us together

It is so difficult to say “I love you” so that things could go back to the way they are?

Maybe there isn’t a “back-to-the-way-they are” because there wasn’t even one to being with...

The look in his eyes as he spoke.

I wished deep down inside he was a part of us.

A chapter closed.

2010-11-20T22:12:00.000+08:00

A chapter closed.

There was a chapter that was left unclosed. Other chapters were visited but that particular chapter was not finished until yesterday.

Though it was somewhat known how that chapter would end, but it was never expected to be that of an even greater disappointment.

Was it a right choice to finish that chapter? Though the disappointment was great, deep down, I’d wished it did not end.

But what is done, is done. That chapter would not be revisited again…

If only... only if...

2010-11-18T00:46:00.001+08:00

If only… Only if...

If only I was able to drop everything and leave this place…
If only it was possible…

I guess only if he was able to find someone better…
I guess only if they would be alright when I am not around…

If only all these happen, I guess that day will come…

Human beings...

2010-11-17T01:50:00.000+08:00

Human beings...

Human beings are peculiar creatures.

The attempt of moving closer to them would make them move away from you. When you leave them alone, they come fluttering back to you.

Is this a game of “playing hard to get”? It seems to be much enjoyed by human.

If it is, it is tiring and it has to stop.

Random Thoughts.

2010-10-18T22:14:00.000+08:00

Random thoughts…

Just realised that no two guys would fight for me.. . should I be sad or relieved?

Relationship = Investments

2010-09-06T23:42:00.000+08:00

Relationship = Investments

Relationships are like investments. It's either a Fixed Deposit; safe but it may have "lower returns" or stocks; more risky and it's either you make it big, or lose it all

Losing myself

2010-09-03T00:30:00.000+08:00

Losing myself

Call me foolish
Tell me it’s impossible
Tell me that I’m throwing away something that is worth so much more
I know that all these are true
But I just do not understand
Why am I still holding on to something that could probably be nothing?
I’m losing my grip
What if I decided to take that leap but it turns out wrong?
Would I be able to go back and reverse everything?
Selfish thinking
I hate myself now.

2 grave mistakes in life

2010-08-29T00:53:00.002+08:00

2 grave mistakes in life

1st grave mistake in life: Getting married.

2nd grave mistake in life if you have stupidly made the 1st one : Having kids.

Fairytale

2010-08-02T01:17:00.002+08:00

Fairytale

A fairytale would not be called fairytale if it was meant for children to think that our real world is perfect.

If I were to expect that a fairytale would happen in the real world, I would then be delusional and probably a kid.

Moral of it all: Wake up.

Rock the boat

2010-07-31T00:11:00.001+08:00

Rock the Boat

Everything is calm now. Smooth sailing. Stable.

Who doesn’t like stability, knowing that is something to fall back on if something happens.

What if stability becomes stagnant? Lifeless?

I don’t want to be stagnant. I need life.

I choose then to rock the boat.

I might be safe or I might drown.

But at the end, all I hope is that it is worth it.

Random thoughts

2010-07-29T19:54:00.002+08:00

Random Thoughts...

Fulfilment. Something easy to spell but so difficult to achieve.

It’s tiring having to juggle so many thing and emotions. Sometimes, it drives one up the wall.

Why must love be so painful?

Wonder what it would be like to drop off everything on hand and break free from the routine.

What is there is no such thing as “moral” and crime is a norm?

What would happen if I disappear from the face of the Earth?

Love...

2010-07-28T00:46:00.003+08:00

Love...

Love is not a planned agenda but rather an instanenous creation of moments.

Stomach worthiness part 1

2010-04-26T23:14:00.000+08:00

Stomach worthiness part 1

It is sad to have very limited stomach capacity when it comes to enjoying great food. Thus it’s worthy to share good stuff. For Ice cream? Marble Slab Creamy. Nothing can beat for now. Not even Island creamy.

Cat fight

2010-04-24T14:34:00.001+08:00

Cat fight

Just wonder why would girls want to curse using their own private part (in hokkien particularly). Seriously, wouldn’t they find it degrading on their own gender and freaking childish? A simple jerk of the train, an accidental fall, but maybe no word of apology... well, still....

For that moment, I wanted just melt away. But the fight was exciting while it lasted.

As usual, people were watching, and the crowd departed like the red sea, giving them space to perform their magnificent moves of hair pulling, sissy slapping and words display. (It happened in the train during peak hour)

Guess we have to expect the unexpected...

playing with fire

2009-06-03T23:36:00.001+08:00

Playing with fire...

Every place was the same.
Every day was routine.
Every part of everything was safe, stable,
Until I began to play with fire.

The fire got a little out of control but saved it before I got burnt.

Now, every place will still be the same.
Every day the same routine will continue
Every part of everything will be safe, stable
But deep down, certain things will never be the same anymore

Though I almost got burnt, I am still playing with fire.

would things be different?

2009-05-31T00:38:00.001+08:00

Would things be different?

If I had continued writing back, would I have something with him?
If I were smarter or have worked harder, would I have studied something else?
If I had not signed that piece of paper, would I have pursued my dreams?
IF I had….

If I was given a chance to take all that back, would things be different?
If I did take all that back, would things be better?

[Trapped]

2009-04-10T23:02:00.003+08:00

[Trapped]

There's really nothing left now.
All the hope and the ideal "what makes a good..." seems to be vanishing away, or maybe, it was never in existence.

Since there is nothing left,
There is also no reason for my existence.

I want out.
I need out.
and this is also one thing that will never "exist".

Short sentences to describe my life

2009-01-27T23:27:00.003+08:00

Short sentences to describe my life

Actually I only need 2 words - HATE IT.

New year resolution – 2009

2009-01-01T23:39:00.002+08:00

New Year resolution – 2009

Time really flies.
After a crap-load 2008, here bounces in 2009, wonder what would be installed.

There would always be a traditional topic during meals – “What’s your New year’s resolution(s)”
The past years’ resolutions have not really come true, so I would think “why bother?”
Maybe this year would be different.
Maybe things would change.
So I’ll be giving it a shot again.

My New year’s resolution this year – Not to Ms Too-Nice-A-Person anymore (gave up pleasing to the whole world; not worth it)

Think this would work out fine for me…

P.S - happy new year.

IT'S back.

2008-11-19T01:23:00.001+08:00

IT's back

IT'S back to haunt me again.

Trying really hard to comprehend what is in front of me but mind does not seem to want to co-operate.
Am I not trying hard enough?

Friday 21 November, a day where I show off whatever my mind knows.
Guess my paper will be blank then…

Cannot believe that a piece of non-living thing can determine the next 2 years of my life.

My life. A pathetic one.
What a beautiful world, don’t you think?

Gone.

2008-11-12T23:00:00.000+08:00

Gone.

It’s gone.
Though it is just something small, it is something that I can never get back
I could just forget about it as it is something that would be kept away and taken out to see once in a while or maybe never…
But now that it’s gone, I feel that I have lost something priceless, something that can never be bought or found anywhere.
Nothing can be done to get it back. I will never have it anymore
It’s really gone.
Just like a part of me….

Something "light hearted"

2008-10-22T23:15:00.003+08:00

SOMETHING "LIGHT HEARTED" - the BIG 21.

Realised that my entries are always sad and pathetic
Like I care.
Today I have decided to be “nice” and I shall see how it turns out.

The BIG 21. The Official 21, in Singapore’s context that is.
Hm. Just another day.
BIG parties, not really my cup of tea.
Though we do get to invite the WHOLE world to be a part of it.
Nice but not necessary.

To me, it becomes similar to a person’s wake, (not trying to be a wet blanket). When the person is around, no one cares. Only when the person has gone to the other world, people would flock and come together to pay their last respect.

Sounds like the 2nd time the person is celebrating his/her 21st birthday!
Besides, who plans their own birthday parties!? I am not that hardworking to do so.

Anyway, mine is over. It was quiet. The way I wanted it to be. Nice small gatherings. Got what I wanted, even though the whole world is against it. And I love all my gifts. Appreciate the effort and wishes. Kinda makes you know who are the ones who really actually care.

Wonder how would my 2nd 21st birthday would turn out! At least that would not be planned by me =).

Well, guess “nice” does not work out for me! Too bad.

Attention seeker

2008-09-27T13:26:00.001+08:00

Attention seeker

Thought THIS feeling was temporary.
Thought it will go away after a night’s rest
Thought everything would be alright when I open my eyes to see that there was a reply; good or bad.
But, nothing.

Maybe I am seen as an independent girl
Someone who is strong enough to stand alone
Someone who is able to manage her emotions especially when she is falling

I want to be that strong
I do not want express THIS feeling out
But at times, when I am seen falling even though I put up a strong front
I just need someone to notice
A simple “how did your day went?”, a simple hug, or just a simple hand squeeze.
Just a tiny bit more attention
Is that too much to ask?

Maybe it is…
I’d wish I was stronger…

I am sorry to be so demanding.

the GREAT week

2008-09-06T16:21:00.002+08:00

The Great Week

It’s been a great week. Finally gotten a chance to do what I’ve wanted to do all my life, well, at least half my life.

Went into this, knew there will definitely be competition but held a lot of hopes though.

Funny thing I realized, some people just have the talent for everything without even trying hard. “Gifted” that’s how I would put it.

Honestly, knew all along life was always unfair, but I held on to the hope of it being fair one day. I know it’s a sin to say this, I know GOD is fair, HE is, but what is my “gift”?

Seems to me that my all dreams are impossible to come true. Maybe I dream big? Maybe I’m just not cut up for anything.

“Jack of all trades, Master of none”. When I’m being told that, I used to say : “ well, at least I know many things” but now, I seem to be proving the other part of the phrase right more than the first.

People would tell me : “Work hard!!! Sometimes it’s luck and timing! You’ll get there!” Crap.

One thing’s for sure, this dream I had for half of my life, has been shattered within the great week.

Another round of war

2008-06-30T23:52:00.002+08:00

Another round of war.....

I thought the wait was over.
I thought my life, which was taken away one and a half years ago would start again today.
I had plans…

But I am defeated.

The start of my life which was so near have become unreachable again.
Yet everything seems to have come to a stand still.
I guess reality of the defeat has not strike me hard enough to realize what is going on…

When it does, I guess all I can do is cry bitterly like a small child.

I have to face IT again…… another round of war… another round being humiliated by IT… another six months of my life taken away.

Maybe I would never reach that starting point of my life again.

Maybe I am destined to be where I am now…

In a world without life.

Knock Out.

2008-05-24T00:54:00.003+08:00

Knock Out

As time inched closer, desperation began to overwhelm me, creeping up and swallowing what was remained of me.

Desperation soon took a turn and started draining what was left of my hope away. I was to meet with my worst enemy today.

It would be an easy match for IT. All IT had to do was to look at and wait for my first move.

If only I knew how…

The day has ended and as expected, it was an easy match.

All I can do is to pray for a miracle now and a little hope.

My emotional attachment

2008-05-16T16:36:00.004+08:00

My emotional attachment

I do not know if you would call it coincidental or cursed, but I have lost another one…

People doted on her more than her brothers, even I did. She was the only girl, cookies and cream colour, similar to that of her Father.

Used to "scold" her for making too much noise, didn’t like people carrying her and always trying to play hide and seek.

But that little voice is gone forever…

Something was calling me to see them yesterday. The situation was in my favour; Mum was not around to nag about me wasting my time on them and I had to get my own dinner. Instead I became lazy…

Yet yesterday night, I took effort to load photos of them, wanted to show them to the world.

Was that a sign? A call for help? A call that I ignored?

It was 8:40 a.m. when my phone rang.

"Speakerbox is dead".

I was still half awake then, was not able to register that message into my head. The message had to be repeated three times before it sunk in. By then, the phone was hung up.

I rushed down, hoping to see the last of her. However, I chickened out. Just stared at the trash bag that contained her body.

One of the ladies told me that she was attacked by her hind legs and was ripped apart, parts of her fur behind was gone too; reckoned that an animal did it.

She was kind, and wrapped Speakerbox nicely with newspaper and placed her in a trash bag. At least she didn't throw her away.

The cry of her mother tears my heart apart. Short tail, following his mother around, suddenly missing another play mate. Another part of my "emotional attachment" has been ripped away from me. I never understood when people said "Oh I’m grieving caused my pet died" Now I do…

She gone…

Oh, I came to know about Long Tail’s whereabouts; he's gone too, the same place where Speakerbox is now, but he has been there since a month plus ago, the day when I assumed he was cat-nabbed and enjoying life. Guess he is better where he is now.

[Speakerbox 29 Feb 2008 - 16 May 2008]

[Long Tail 29 Feb 2008 - April 2008]

This is probably the longest entry I have ever written, maybe this will be my longest….

Love for my babies

2008-05-15T23:50:00.003+08:00

Love for my babies....

Looking back at the pictures and videos of the 3 little ones and my queen, I can't help but to think of Long Tail…

Though a short period of 3 and half months, I grew to have an emotional attachment to them. Never knew that an emotional attachment could be so strong, almost equivalent to having that same attachment with a human being.

Laughter was brought by them, tears were shed for them.

One would probably think it is insane or crap.

I wouldn't…

To my mother

2008-05-13T23:03:00.001+08:00

To my Mother..

To my lovely Mum,

"Happy Momas's day"

Love
Daughter.

Lost but not found.

2008-05-05T02:08:00.002+08:00

Lost but not found...

Where's Long tail?..
Where is he?

Though I am trying to find people to love them as I do,
But he left without saying good bye...

Where is he?
Where's Long tail?..

Easter

2008-03-23T12:34:00.001+08:00

Easter…

Easter, Christ Resurrection, a joyful event celebrated by the Catholic faith.

It’s déjà vu..

Practices after practices, late night after another.
It was the same routine every year.
She should have known.
Guess She got sick of me going over to church.
Thinking that I was wasting my time there.

At the door when I was about to leave,
She strike me again.

“You don’t have a family.
Go move your stuff and stay in church lah
Don’t come back
Everyday come back late and out the next day…”

The rest was muffled.
Anyway I could not stomach any thing else She had to say

I stood outside with the door shut. I could have walked away…

I have heard this speech many many times.
I should have gotten used to it.
But why does it bother me so much?
I hate myself for being weak…

I took my keys and opened that shut door…

Leap year…

2008-03-01T00:29:00.001+08:00

Leap year…

29 February, an extra day that comes every 4 years.
Just another day in the calendar.

But 29 February 2008, a day that GOD gave me more than what HE gave to me on New Year's Day…

Mao mao, my new found love, gave me Pink Feet, SpeakerBox and Lazy Brown.
Smart little thing she is, choosing today to surprise me.

Overwhelmed; never did I experience so much joy before in my entire life. The feeling; just indescribable.

Just another day in the calendar,
Yet today will be the day I never forget…

"My other world..."

2008-02-03T00:56:00.000+08:00

"My other world..."

"My other world", a world which only I can enter..
leaving myself physically to a world where I am mentally absorbed into,
Strange and freaky, but interesting at times...

Sometimes I wonder, where do all these images come from.
Is "my other world" a world where my deepest desires linger?
waiting to be unleased in this real world...

If is it so....
it would be out of contorl....

Missing badly...

2007-12-06T00:01:00.000+08:00

Missing badly…

I yearn just to be in your embrace, with your warm arms holding me firmly yet with such gentleness…
I want to be able to feel you and look into your eyes, to touch those lips of yours with mine….
I just want to be with you.

But you don’t seem to be able to sense all of these…
You don’t seem to want to be with me…
Maybe, you don’t see a need to as badly as I need you…

Can you hear my cries?

I miss you so badly, but you don’t seem to care…
Or is the feeling of wanting to be together fading away?

Maybe you’re just getting tired…

of me maybe....

Difficult creatures: Men Vs Women

2007-11-29T02:13:00.000+08:00

Difficult creatures: Men Vs Women

Men = Straightforward, decisive
Women = Wishy-washy, naggy

I’d rather say:

Men = One-tracked mind, no room for compromising or understanding, un-cooperative
Women = cracking their brains for alternations to make both parties happy.

Men = couldn’t be bothered
Women = bothers too much cause Men couldn’t be bothered

So who are the difficult creatures?

Mind wanders, Heart lingers…

2007-11-28T01:01:00.000+08:00

Mind wanders, Heart lingers…

Does one uses his mind or heart to love?

A young relationship but a curious perception
Thoughts cloud the Mind
with doubts, possibly
Others? Maybe…

But deep down,
the Heart speaks,
in ways that overcome the wandering Mind
giving it a clear vision

Gut feeling it might be called
but the Heart always win…

Unless this can be proven wrong?

Family's love/obligation?

2007-11-25T01:20:00.000+08:00

Family's love/obligation?

"The door will be locked in 10 mins" "You can stay in church, you don’t have a home"

To take it on a light note, maybe she missed me. Reality, I'm just fooling myself.

Never once did I question "family love", not until recently… I know it is a sin, but circumstances make me think otherwise.

My "lovely" family
1) Mode of communication: Talking sarcastically and loudly to each other (how sweet)
2) Relationships: gentleness or anything nice are definitely not found in my family’s dictionary.

All these did not matter to me but I don't understand why does it affect me so badly now?

It is difficult to speak to any one. Are family members suppose to be harsh when they speak? is that a form of expressing their love?

Family means the world to me, but not being able to understand and not given a chance for one to be understood…

Are we living together out of love or just an obligation to fulfill?

Sometimes I'd wish I was staying alone…

Where is She?

2007-10-01T22:48:00.000+08:00

Where is She...???

I went back, hoping to see her again...
I called out, but there was no reply.

I saw her "husband" though, but he did not led me to her...
I am beginning to worry now..

Where is she.....

Goodbye...

2007-09-08T23:34:00.000+08:00

Good Bye

I always thought i was someone my parents looked up to but i just i'm not...

All i want is just good for my family, but it seems i'm too stupid and my stupidity is causing hurt to the people around me.

Father's not usually at home, the older I get, the harder it is to communication with him but i still try and also hoping that there will not be any quarelling when he comes back home.

I love my mother the most. I have just so much respect for her. If only i could be like her.. if only i could be the daughter she wants me to be, but i guessed i've failed her again...

I feel that my brother has made my parents really proud, achievements in school. But not me... I don't think there was even a time my parents , or could i say my mother came for a prize presentation held by my school coz, i wasn't one of the prize winners.

Come to think about it, there is nothing that i've done to make her proud of me...

I know she screams at me, and i know it's for my own good. But i just can't be the person she wants me to be... I have disappointed her time and time again, seeing her flustered face and disappointment in her eyes when she scolds me....

I don't understand why I am so stupid. Till now, i can't even pin point a single thing that i am good at. Maybe coz there isn't any.

I feel bloody shameful to be her daughther... I'm just a disgrace to my family...

There's one thing I do not understand, why the older i get, the more stupid i become? isn't this suppose to be otherwise? one year older, one year wiser... doesn't happen to me...

Today, i told her all of these and she blames herself for instilling such fear into me... It's not all true... She asked me if i had troubles, would i go to her? I just kept silent.

Now her bedroom door is closed... should i go in? maybe the sight of me will make her sick.

The hurt inside is too much to bear anymore...
I really need an avenue to vent it all out...
Tell me what to do..

If after today, I have decided to take my leave, I just to say.. I am not worthy of what GOD had gave me... and all these people that I am blest with, deserve someone better to care for...

Sleezy Mizzy...

2007-08-29T23:35:00.000+08:00

Sleezy Mizzy.....

I was afraid of them till I met her....

She was called from a distance by my love and she approached us with so much enthusiasm.

I was afraid as she started following us across the road, but as her gentle body brushed against my legs, the fear disappeared and my heart was filled with warmth and love...
A funny yet beautiful feeling.

The next night, I went back to find her. I called out from a distance, hoping that she would hear me and never it she failed to return my calls.

She has the most beautiful greenish eyes that I have ever seen... The short nights with her made me love her more and more.

There were times when my calls were not returned and for that moment I thought she had an owner. Had almost stop finding her but my mind could not forget her, and I was glad that I did not.

She had a kid. Black with her eyes. However, it was taken away from her. The sadness she had in her body language made my heart ached. Thank goodness she still had her "husband" around, father of her kid.

However, tonight she was alone. There was no sight of her husband. She had that same body language that I've saw before. She was calling and searching. The strangest thing was she followed me all the way to my door step, which was an unusual gesture. I tried to "excuse" myself, hoping she would return to her place but she kept me within her sight, even though she wandered away for a while.

I wanted to bring her home, but was chased by out by my father. He wanted to hit her, but I persuaded her to go down.

As the door closed, I heard her cries, but could not go to her rescue as I know she would have "suffered" more from my father, trying to scare her away.

Then I heard her cries again. My heart was torn.... It is a feeling I've never felt before.

If only I could do something for her..... I just hope she's fine....

Need an EXIT

2007-08-01T22:47:00.000+08:00

Need an Exit...

I don't know what I've got myself into.
My heart is filled with misery.
I've been slapped time and time again and each time the pain is harder to bear.

It's getting too much to handle.
Each time I step into that room, the walls seem to be inching closer all on four sides, leaving me with no place to run.
I can't find joy anymore.

Everything I do is just not good enough.
It makes me wonder am I really such a fucking dumb ass who doesn't understand simple terms.
Each time I've get slapped, my mind turns blank; defeated, even though I knew what was going on.

If I get out, I'll be seen as an incompetent, pathetic shit who can't take "little" slaps.

How long do I still have to go through all these.
My heart fears going to that room now...

I need an exit...

I really do....

Trust?

2007-07-01T00:54:00.000+08:00

Trust?

I've got it..
I can use it especially in times of needs
BUT...

I'm not giving a chance to.

I know the reason why.....
I do not blame "reality check "for it.

BUT somehow.. it hurts

and it's hurting me now.......

BADLY....

Dreading...

2007-06-13T22:39:00.000+08:00

Dreading…

Another day starts when I open my eyes
Just yet another ordinary day…

Somehow, after today, reality is going to kick me harder in the ass,
Knowing that for at least three and a half years,
I will be dreading every single day of it…

If only I had a choice not to open my eyes…

Note to whom actually understands...

2007-05-22T23:38:00.000+08:00

P.S - I love Mike. Just trying to think of a different perspective since I am stress-free from work only for a few very, very short moments...

Fuck, my life sucks.

The World within....

2007-05-22T23:12:00.000+08:00

"Inner her"...

She kisses her man softly on his headache and slipped out of warm sheets above her, allowing the linen to slide off her bare skin.

Tipping her nightgown over, she walked into the dimly lit bathroom. Looking at herself into the tall mirror, eyes of emptiness stared back at her.

She let her nightgown glided down revealing what was within....

How she loved what she saw. The fullest of her assets, the curves on her sides, to have someone with the same lying beside her between those warm sheets...

Her heart twisted into knots.

Chinese New Year Tip

2007-02-20T00:44:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year Tip....

Tip for the day for people still eligible to collect the red packet:

"DO NOT, for goodness sake, tell your relatives you are working
Always tell them that you are studying, till you cannot use that excuse or lie anymore"

Reason : People assume that working people can support themselves, thus the red packet content will shrink when in actually fact, your pay is farking low and you need extra cash.

Think about it, your relatives will not ask you that " so what are you doing now" question for nothing, they are trying to collect information so they can save on their givings.

Letter to Mum

2007-02-20T00:07:00.000+08:00

Letter to Mum....

Dear Mum,

I'm sorry for not being your proud girl,
I'm sorry for disappointing you
I'm sorry for my actions that caused you to be unhappy and angry about.

However....
If only you knew that my heart is crying every single time my actions were misunderstood,
If only you knew that I love you so much and am really trying to make you proud of me,
If only you knew that I am not what you think I am....

But....

That will never happen...
Cos I'll always be a nobody to you...

If i'm gone

2007-02-18T01:29:00.000+08:00

If I'm gone...

If I'm gone today,
Don't shed a tear for me.
Be happy and celebrate my departure from this physical world.

cos I will be free from a physical world that brought me nothing but pain and hurt
I will be free from my fucked up life.
I will be away from everything.

Anyway, it doesn't really matter either,
Cos even if I was somebody, I was nobody to them and I never will be...

"Happy" family...

2007-02-18T00:35:00.000+08:00

"Happy" family

All along, an understanding family I thought I had,
Though ups and downs, I was happy.
I was respected and freedom that I deserved.
I love them...

Lately, I'm not sure about that anymore.....

Today, that is confirmed....

Misery...

2007-02-14T23:58:00.000+08:00

Misery...

My mind is messed up.
I don't know what to think about anymore....

Why can't everything be simple?

If only I had a gun.

Shattered

2007-02-11T00:52:00.000+08:00

Shattered....

The core of my heart is tearing.
The sides are shattering....
My heart is crying out , but can anyone hear?

My mind is drowned with confusion and misery.
It is fighting an emotional war within
a war that has no answers...

Is this suppose to be this way?
Is this suppose to go on till my mind stops?
Is this suppose to go on till my heart dies?

I cannot take it anymore...

I really can't....

D r i f t

2007-02-09T22:33:00.000+08:00

D r i f t i n g....

The feeling is back again...

Though one religion, one heart, one love...
The "one" is torn apart by colour, tradition, race, thinking, society difference....

racial understanding? harmony?
prejudices? steorotypes?

acceptance?

Is this the end?.......

"One" is drifting apart.....

SOMEBODY

2007-02-09T00:28:00.000+08:00

Somebody....

I am SOMEBODY now...

be somebody

2007-02-03T00:12:00.000+08:00

Be SOMEBODY

I want to be somebody.

Somebody who can do at least something well and be recognized for that something done well.
To allow people to be proud of that somebody who has something that not many people can do.
To leave an impression of that something which somebody performs well for.

However, I can only be that person who recognizes that something done well, to be proud of that somebody who has performed something well.

No matter how hard I try, never will I be somebody...

Because I am born a nobody.

How romantic

2007-01-03T22:59:00.000+08:00

How Romantic...

A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most
romantic first line... but the least romantic second line. Here are some of

the entries they received.

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and

so is your head.

Oh loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime

The end?

2006-12-30T23:25:00.000+08:00

Is this coming to an end?

The knots are starting to form within,
However they get tighter and tighter each time it starts to tangle.

I try hard to untangle,
But they become more difficult to each time.

I'm getting exhausted ...

What if the knots become dead?

I do not want to know ...

Life Satisfaction

2006-12-03T22:37:00.000+08:00

Life Satisfaction...

Comparison with the superior,
Competition against peers,

Insults from the intellect,
Laughter from shame,

Does one have to go through all these and be forced to do things beyond their control to have a fulfilling life?

Why do people allow themselves to be compared and drive themselves to misery?
Silly, foolish people....

YOU FREAKING CANNOT PLEASE THE WHOLE WORLD

Life....
short, stressful, overwhelming...

As long as I lay in that wooden box with no regrets....

I have fulfilled my life on Earth....

The chapped mixing bowl

2006-11-25T23:01:00.000+08:00

The Chapped Mixing Bowl

There a chapped mixing bowl stood solely on the rack.
They had no choice but to have do with that chapped mixing bowl.
But they loved that chapped mixing bowl dearly.

For many years, they tried very hard to mend that litte crack on that chapped mixing bowl.
But to no avail....

Since the crack cannot be mend, why do they still spend so much time on that chapped mixing bowl you might wonder...

cause I am that chapped mixing bowl, they are my parents....

If only they will just throw that chapped mixing bowl away....

"Happy" birthday

2006-10-14T22:49:00.000+08:00

"Happy" birthday?

A common greeting passed every year.
Receive it once a year from a thousand over people, if you are popular
and say it a thousand over times to people, if you can remember and if you have that many people to say it to.

What is the definition of a "Happy" birthday?

If I choose to sulk on my birthday, would it be a happy birthday?
If I act happy on my birthday, would it be a happy birthday?

Must I be happy on my birthday?

Why do people associate Birthdays as Happy?
Why can't people say : Hey you, Birthday!? or Hey you! Norm Birthday!!

I wonder.....

Sugar Coating

2006-09-27T21:45:00.000+08:00

Sugar Coating

This world is bittersweet.
Bitter People, Sweet Gap.

"Come, let me help you!" or "There's nothing wrong! Really!" or "You're not a bad person, oh no no..."

But deep down, the real answers are "I'm saying all these for the sake of saying it and it is the right thing to say". - Model "answers" I would call them.

Would these stop? When will I ever speak or hear something that come straight from the heart?

My answer... "OH yes!!!! It will happen! "

Foreign

2006-09-03T00:24:00.000+08:00

Foreign

Same attraction
Same Frequency
Same desire
Same love
Same world

However

Different tongues...

Everything in the "same" world now seem so distant.

So foreign....

reminiscence

2006-08-27T02:56:00.000+08:00

Reminiscence

Browsing thru' my archives, thoughts of the past became the present.

Reading through a particular entry, it felt like I was going thru' for the first time. I have no vivid memory of it at all.

Though it is the past, my heart and mind can't help but to search for answers to this mysterious event that I have once experienced...

boredom

2006-08-19T23:18:00.000+08:00

Boredom

Let you in on a little secret; Want to know how boredom feels?

like this. Period.

how cool is that?

entertainment's over

2006-08-19T22:32:00.000+08:00

Entertainment's over

"Once again, the town of "If only someone knew..." is safe, thanks to.... Mambo and all you inspiring people..."

back to the O' place of my humble thoughts...

letter to Cheryl

2006-08-06T01:05:00.000+08:00

A Letter

To someone who made my "life" interesting overnight, wait...or should I say..

Dear Cheryl,

I'm really honoured to have you take time off your busy scheduel to come visit my humble place of thoughts. I did not know my thoughts could actually stir you to leave your inspirational comments which made me blog this particular entry.

If you seriously think I will be affected by what you say, well... I am sorry to tell you that it actually makes me laugh. I can't help but to realise that the words you use are rather... limited? Try coming up with more creative ones ya? It will make your life interesting too.

Here's a few things that I want to say too:

1) DO NOT insult my parents, YOU bitch! I shall use "bitch" since it is your favourite word.

2) About your boyfriend, I do not even know who the hell he is. and, I'm sorry, but you actually do have one?

3) My sex life is totally NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, please get that into your brain and youself OUT of it.

4) Even if I knew who your boyfriend was, I wouldn't waste my time sleeping with him or stealing him away from you. It's seriously NOT worth it. Besides I have better guy friends around me, wouldn't want to know your boyfriend either.

5) I did not know you have so little trust in your boyfriend, whoever he is. I'm sorry to hear that..

6) This is MY blog, MY thoughts, MY space. If you cannot swallow or stomach what you see, why in the first place do you even come?

7) As much as I want to keep this to myself, I don't want to deprive you of anything, since you have took time off to come back, which I know you will, is that : You are the most pathetic person I've ever know.

Well, that's kinda all for now. If I do have anything else to say, I will.

P.S : Did I sound as "bitchy" and "slut" as you think I am, I hope I did not disappoint you =)

intersting 10 mins

2006-08-02T00:38:00.000+08:00

Interesting 10 mins

U bitch!
Slut
you steal my boyfried and slept with him
ya!
u whore
Dun steal my boyfriend
go find your own!!

Man, after speaking to a guy called Jeff that dropped from out of no where, just to entertain myself too, his girlfriend by the name of Cheryl, whom I sadly know, comes messaging me with the above! How cool is that..

Childish people still exist...
I feel sorry for the world...

slippin' away

2006-08-01T13:40:00.000+08:00

Slippin' away...

The disappointment hurts.
Everytime it happens, the hurt gets deeper that it is starting to get numb.
Sooner, hurt would be feeling erased from the dictionary of emotions.

Though disappointments hits
I will struggle to hold on...
I cannot afford to let go, it means so much to me...

but....

I don't know how much longer I can hold on anyway..
I am trying really hard to.
However if "hurt" was erased from my context,
I might slip away...

fun-filled life

2006-07-26T01:45:00.000+08:00

"fun-filled" life

When my eyes open, it is a start of another day.
I get up, do my crap, study for the sake of studying, come home, crap again and close my eyes.

When my eyes open, it is a start of of another day.
I get up, do my crap, study for the sake of studying, come home, crap again and close my eyes.

When my eyes open, it is a start of of another day.
I get up, do my crap, study for the sake of studying, come home, crap again and close my eyes.

I wonder, if one day I do not open my eyes,
Will I miss out on anything?

I'll tell you if that happens...

moving forward?

2006-07-26T01:36:00.000+08:00

Moving forward?

Every second past is time that only happens once.
Every day past is a day that can never be turned back

Every word that appears, are thoughts that come from within.
The time taken to blog this entry has past.
The thoughts still linger...

an honest conversation

2006-07-20T00:08:00.000+08:00

An honest conversation

My thoughts were expressed without being judged.

My fingers were able to move freely on the keyboard.

My mind was free.

My heart felt light.

The burden was slowly removed from me.

I guess it was all I needed...

An honest conversation.

boredom + depression

2006-07-18T23:31:00.000+08:00

Boredom + despression?

Suddenly everything seems just so stale
Mind becomes a complete blank
There is nothing to look forward to in life anymore

Well, this is a sign of boredom.
Maybe despression too...

piecing back

2006-07-16T00:16:00.000+08:00

Piecing back...

The past few weeks, I was in a world of darkness
Everything was crashing
The tears shed bled through my heart
At times, I just wanted everything to end, including myself...

But there he was,
Somehow, the sight of him lit up the world I was trapped in.
His physical touch lingers on my body
His love surrounding me...

My pillar is back...
My life is piecing back again..
Just hope it will not be tore part so soon...

I love you baby...

fadin'

2006-07-14T01:48:00.000+08:00

Fadin'

"My pillar is fading away....
my world is crashing....

when that happens, I'll be gone...

for good..."

Sweet nothings

2006-07-12T15:16:00.000+08:00

sweet-nothings

Sweet nothings are words and pharses that couples or in particular, the MALE gender would use to romance their other half.
Like ' the sparkle of your eyes are dazzle me'
or
' your smile is as bright as the sun shine, you are my sunshine'
or
maybe a simple " I love you! I cannot live without you " that is so commonly used within a day.

To the other half who is being absorbed in the world of "sweet nothing"

WAKE UP. Get a life. ask your partner to MEAN what he or she says. because

True meaning of sweet nothings : SWEET TALK! MEANS NOTHING!!!

words

2006-07-12T14:39:00.000+08:00

words

WORDS. WORDS. words. words.
WORDS OF regret
WORDS OF remose
WORDS OF love
WORDS OF everything that one can express themself with...

to me, they are just

WORDS OF crap.

Trapped

2006-07-01T18:54:00.000+08:00

Trapped

I cannot take it anymore.
I just want to break free
leave everything behind
and go to a place where no one can find me...

the 100th entry - come and go

2006-07-01T01:53:00.000+08:00

the 100th entry - comes and goes

Can't believe I've crap 100 entries. It's time for celebrations...
but somehow, today does not seem to be that day.

Things in life come and go,
sometimes if it moves too fast,
we let it pass by us and do not even bother looking back.
Unaware.

People in life come and go too
Realised that only when a person passes on or is going to leave for a period of time,
People gather on that very last day to say goodbyes, only wished they had gotten to know that person better or just spend more time with he or her.
Regret.

Things in my life come and go, but it matters.
People in my life come and go, their presences matter.
Importance.

Though you are far away, YOU matter to me.
Special friendship.

Mind game

2006-06-27T01:30:00.000+08:00

Mind game

S
T
A
T
E

O
F

Mind is getting exhausted.
It just wants to stop,
Stop and never function again
Enough is enough!
Rounding up every ounce of energy left
Yanks over the window ledge...

dis connected

2006-06-23T01:04:00.000+08:00

dis connect ed

Eyes are droopy, a touch of the shut down button will caused it to close completely
Yet...
the mind forbids..

Thoughts wanna type happy words to allow their loved one, to feel every ounce of love expressed to them
Yet...
the heart forbids...

Tunes playing on the radio travel to the ears
Yet...
The words doesn't register; blurred
Noise.

Though just one heart, mind and soul
Deep within...
It is all just so...... DIS-Connect-ed...

for....

me,,,

human disaster

2006-06-21T11:36:00.000+08:00

human disaster...

I seriously don't understand what is wrong with me.
Why can't I perform like normal people can?
Am I just plain dumb and slow or abnormal...

Sometimes people ask "so, what are you good at?"
I would be left dumbfounded.
Somehow I am just average.
Average in EVERYTHING (including how I look)

I don't know if this is just my shallow mind messing with me
Or I am really just.. like THAT.

People say practice makes perfect,
I don't think it applies to me.
The more I do, the worse I get.
I think if I were to carry on practicing, I might just lose that "skill".

Reading this, you might think : what the hell?! This is full of crap.
But I can't seem to find my moral now...
I think it had run away from me because I am way too hopeless for anything...

Well done.

Drunk

2006-06-17T00:04:00.000+08:00

.DRUNK.

I was happy, enjoying myself with my girlfriends.
Soccer on screen, drinks on the table top.
Hennessy. Sprite.Coke.Green Tea. Weird mix.

Chats. Laughter. Jokes. Stories.
Hands reached out to the glass of drink infront of me.
Sipping from the mouth of the glass.
Feeling the liquid flowing down my throat.

Had the next glass, it followed on by the next.
I knew I had to go slow but temptation was coming to me.
I somehow wanted to know how a druken felt.
Foolish? Crazy? No, just curious...and stupid.

The world started spinning.
My mind was still sound but it got disconnected with my body movement.
It was a hell of a night.

The next morning I was sober again.
Got hell from my parents. Usual stuff. Thought I drank to drown my sorrows.
TYPICAL.
But I was proud of myself. I reached my goal.
I succeeded in getting drunk.

However deep down inside...

Did I get drunk for the feel of it?

Or was it really because of that TYPICAL reason....

personal conflict

2006-06-05T01:16:00.000+08:00

Personality conflict
(inspired by Din)

A person's personality is like a crushed piece of paper.
There are too many sides to it.

Sometimes, when you think you're tough, you breakdown and cry.
Sometimes, when you put up a cool front, you suddenly laugh with the people around you.

You then try to search for your true self,
but it always ends up in a war that you're fighting with yourself.

I am a crushed piece of paper.

I am fighting my own war and till now, I still am...

sibling's love?

2006-06-05T00:35:00.000+08:00

Siblings' love?

At times,
I HATE him when no appreciation is given for what I have done for him

At times,
I HATE him when he talks back to me, showing no respect

At times,
I HATE him when he thinks he is right when obviously he is at fault

But for these times when I HATEd him, I loved him as much...

pre-fetc

2006-05-26T00:28:00.000+08:00

"pre-fetc"

I'm human!

I'm not perfect!

So, stop making me live your expectations and be what you want me to be!

Someone ever so perfect in your eyes.

I'm not perfect!

only human...

questions

2006-05-08T23:26:00.000+08:00

Questions...

Are there people who are born stupid?
Are there people who have a perfectly functional brain but are still stupid?
If there is, I know I'm not alone.

Sometimes I really wonder if there's something wrong with me?
She wants me to be an independent person.
A "power-woman". Someone who is firm.
A little less girly-girl.

I know where she is coming from
I am trying so hard, but all I do is just break down.

Time and time again I disappoint her. It sucks for your information.
We have the same genes.
But why am I not like her? Or is she not like that either?

Why do I sometimes think that she wants me to be that person who she herself wanted to be?

Sometimes I'd wished I was as smart as my brother.
Sometimes I'd wished I achieved something to make my family proud.
Sometimes I'd wished I could just be the person that she wants me to be.
Sometimes I'd wished I never existed.

i suck

2006-05-08T22:44:00.000+08:00

I SUCK.

She hates my humble self
She hates me to be "Mr nice guy".
She hates me to say thank you

She thinks I am incapable of anything
She thinks I smile too much.
She thinks I have too much in my mind when I have zero.

I SUCK! You know that?
I am one stupid girl that my family has to bear with

Maybe she's right
I am as she claims.
I suck. period.

Behind the Shadow

2006-05-05T00:35:00.000+08:00

behind the SHADOW

A black figuring casted by the street lights,
The curvaceous outline, the tied-up hair that swinged gently as she walked.
She was perfect. A lady every man would desire.
However it was not a picture perfect fit.

She stared at the reflection which stared back at her.
Everything became so distinct.
Reality world hit her hard.
Now she was a lady no man will take a second glance at.

How she wished she could hide behind that shadow forever.
At least there is no discrimination

patience

2006-05-04T01:33:00.000+08:00

Patience

Typed. waited. There was no reply...
Typed.waited. Time seem to crawl pass but there was no reply
Typed.waited.stonned.
...Slience...
Should the wait carry on?
But, one virtue learnt... Patience

Sundays

2006-04-30T19:05:00.000+08:00

SUNDAYS

I'm such a screw up
Are my intentions all wrong?
Everyone thinks I'm lying
They are blaming it on others too

I HATE SUNDAYS!!!!!!!
I HATE SUNDAYS!!!!!!

Sundays were "family day".
It was just a routine day of family gatherings and what have you.
It became church, the youth group.
They weren't happy because Sundays were not the same anymore
It evolved to choir practices. It ended late, or should I say "after lunch hours".
We still tried to squeeze in some time to head out.
Then someone really special came into my life and a whole new group of friends.
I was really happy.
Sundays became a chill out.

I tried to make time on Sundays to be with them
But every good intention turns out to be wrong.
She calls me a "liar"
He hates me going out on Sundays.
He hates me to be in the choir.
I wonder if church was a mistake for me now...

Church is one of the things I enjoyed doing..
But now I dread it.
Cause' it will be a reason for my heart to be pierced by their words.

Forgive me GOD.

I'm lost

I just want to end this misery in me....

But there is no cure for it.

what if

2006-04-25T01:21:00.000+08:00

What if?

What if I did not have eyes to see?
I would not be able to see all the beautiful people to bring harm to them.

What if I did not a nose to breathe?
I would not waste the oxygen around me.

What if I did not have a mouth to speak?
I would not be hurting and pissing anyone off with it.

What if I did not have a brain?
I would not harm the people around me.

What if I did not exist?
It will be the best for the world...

What if

2006-04-25T00:09:00.001+08:00

What if?

What if I did not have eyes to see?
I would not be able to see all the beautiful people to bring harm to them.

What if I did not a nose to breathe?
I would not waste the oxygen around me.

What if I did not have a mouth to speak?
I would not be hurting and pissing anyone off with it.

What if I did not have a brain?
I would not harm the people around me.

What if I did not exist?
It will be the best for the world...

What if

2006-04-25T00:09:00.000+08:00

friends, a little girl's thoughts

2006-04-21T22:43:00.000+08:00

Friends, A little girl's thoughts

Dear Diary,

I have been a very, very bad friend. I feel that they are going to give up on me soon. They are not going to call me or be my friend anymore! What am I suppose to do? I cannot live without them! I will be a lonely girl! And no one will love me anymore =( .. I am very scared diary! What should I do?

Love,
Little girl

Dear Little girl

I am a bad friend too. At least I feel I am. I suck more than you. I wonder when they will give up on me too. I know one did, a group of them are going to I suppose. I always wanted to be there for them but circumstances do not allow me to, or am I just finding excuses for myself? Friends suddenly become like an obligation. I feel like crap not being able to see them during gatherings, I feel like an ass when I promised to be there and do not turn up. I feel like fuck when a tone of sacarsm is given to me when I apologise. Guess "sorry" has lost its value. I wonder sometimes if I was friendless, would I feel obligated? I think after you read this little girl, you will hate me for telling you all these. I feel as screwed up as you now. You know, at some points of life, whatever decisions or thoughts you have, to do or not to do seem wrong either ways... Well, this is one of them...

Lots of love,
Diary

Ne-yo : so sick

2006-04-12T17:51:00.000+08:00

Ne-yo : So sick

Mmmm mmm yeah

Do do do do do do do-do

Ohh Yeah

Gotta change my answering machine

Now that I'm alone

Cuz right now it says that we

Can't come to the phone

And I know it makes no sense

Cuz you walked out the door

But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore

(it's ridiculous)

It's been monthsAnd for some reason I just

(can't get over us)

And I'm stronger than this

(enough is enough)

No more walkin round

With my head down

I'm so over being blue

Cryin over you

And I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishing you were still here

Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow

So why can't I turn off the radio?

Gotta fix that calender I have

That's marked July 15th

Because since there's no more you

There's no more anniversary

I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you

And your memory

And how every song reminds me

Of what used to be

That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishing you were still here

Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow

So why can't I turn off the radio?

(Leave me alone)

Leave me alone

(Stupid love songs)

Dont make me think about her smile

Or having my first child

I'm letting go

Turning off the radio

Cuz I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishing she was still here

Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow

So why can't I turn off the radio?

(why can't I turn off the radio?)

Said I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishing she was still here

Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow

So why can't I turn off the radio?

(why can't I turn off the radio?)

And I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishin' you were still here

Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow

Why can't I turn off the radio?

(why can't I turn off the radio?)

Why can't I turn off the radio?

This song keeps playing in my head, not that I am sad or out of love.

I just love it...

mindsets

2006-04-11T23:24:00.000+08:00

MINDSETS

Asians' mindset ---> Conservative and traditional
Singaporeans' mindset ---> Narrow and dumb
Older Generation's mindset ---> Closed. HOPELESS

Is it wrong to show affection in the open?
Without people thinking that you're cheap or you're a slut?

What is so wrong with our society?
I seriously do not know where the problem lies...

Maybe it is just me...

I guess I am the problem...

Minds of 2

2006-04-11T21:35:00.000+08:00

Minds of 2

Evidence was left behind.
It aroused her suspicion
She called the suspect into the room
A tone that was cold and in doubt

It was dark
Yet her piercing stare shone through that darkness.
It was not a good sign.

The interrogation began
The question shot straight like a bullet
The suspect froze.

The suspect's mind
" I tried to use whatever there was to cover my ass
It was mind straining, heart pumping.
I almost wanted to die at that very spot."

The interrogater's mind
" I know they did it! I do not trust him at all
I'm beginning to lose trust in her too
What if they did!? She's a foolish girl!
She's blinded.
I do not trust him.... Do I still trust her?
I don't know..."

The interrogater stood firm of her suspicions
The suspect tired to change her conclusion to what she saw.

The suspect's mind
"I can't take it anymore!
Did she buy what I said?
Was it enough?
I doubt so...."

The interrogater's mind
"Should I believe her?
I really don't know
I still do not trust him
I don't want to think that she's that type of girl..
But how?!"

The suspect's mind
"I love him...
I want her to like him too
I trust him.
I love him."

The interrogater's mind
"I'm just worried..."

fuck appearance

2006-04-10T19:17:00.000+08:00

FUCK APPEARANCE

Heavy lumps of mass surrounded his body
Trying to steal glimpse of themselves infront of the spotlight.
He could not see himself anymore, not even his worth inside.

He stepped away from away from his nightmare,
The only one thing that will tell people about the truth of their appearance,
Leaving no mercy.
It was silent yet honest.

Voices of laughter and sarcasm clouded his head
He wanted to scream out loud
He wanted to burst into tears
He wanted an end to everything.
Including himself

He laid on his bed,
buried himself into the soft tenderness
that will not mock his shame.

Though the soft tenderness was there, it did not take the pain away.
It was ripping him apart.
Tearing him up slowly inside.

He felt inferior.
He felt despressed.

I stood from afar

helpless at the sight

My mind is blank.

I wanted to tell him that he is beautiful

I wanted to tell him that he is everything

I wanted to tell him that looks aren't anything

But would I be bluffing myself too?

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"

Everyone says that, male and female alike

But do they even mean what they say?

Fuck the damn world!

Everyone knows that appearance does count!

So wake up your bloody idea

STOP trying to sound "nice" in front

While you mock these people behind

they do not deserve the shit you say

You think it's funny, You think you look damn good?

Well, here's the wake up call

1) You look like a joke

2) You ARE the joke

Don't downgrade yourself,

It pains me to see you do

Word of advice:

Keep your BIG mouth shut

It helps you know

People are born the way they are

If you're good looking, well congrats to you

If you're not. You're special.

Last words of a bleeding heart

2006-03-28T23:24:00.000+08:00

Last words of a bleeding heart

I stand strong and shield myself from others.
Everyone except you...
I'm stand naked, vulnerable to your every touch.

Everytime when your smile vanishes,
It pricks me.
When your frown turns into hurt,
It cuts me.
When hurt turns into tears
It leaves me bleeding

I'm torn apart again
It sucks.
It really does...
Especially when you are hurt because of my mind's work

Can you hear my screams?
Can you hear my weeps?

I am fading...
fading away........