''Afraid to love''

She stared back at her SMS and it stared back at her. Was history going to repeat itself again? "Why do man kind have to face this thing called love?..."
It was a typical place where they met. Online. Started off with a simple 'hello, intro' but after that, it was 'how are you =)'. From then she realised he was not the typical type of male chatter that she have been talking to.

Somehow, they hitted off well and talked through the night. Despite his tiredness, he stayed on to talk to her. Despite having to get up early the next day, she stayed up for him. Curiousity kept both of them going.

It continued on the next day with SMSes going and coming non stop. He could not sleep much and "blamed" it indirectly at her. He could not get her off his mind.
She thought that it will end within that fateful day, however it did not. She began to realise that she was waiting for the cell to beep. Everytime it does, she would run over to check if he had replied...

After that day, she wanted to hear his voice, to hear how he sounded. "He didn't sounded bad". It was a voice she knew she would not mind listening to for a few hours.

However, something stopped her. "What if it was just a one sided thing? What if he wasn't the guy that I pictured him to be? What if I wasn't the girl he expected me to be?" All these questions flashed through her mind again and again. Fear within her mind raced to her heart, pricking it little by little each time as it hit the walls of her heart. " What if he's the one that I've been looking for in a guy? Look at yourself! He will be disappointed. Stop kidding yourself gal. You do not have such a good fate to meet a wonderful guy in your life. Give up or you will be the one getting hurt it the end. It's always been like that! Let go before it is too late..."
Her fingers instructed the cellphone she held tightly within her palm. "Message deleted"

plain U.G.L.Y

Looking herself in the mirror, an ugly duckling that was what she saw. Short, fat, man-bodied. She had the front, the curve but why was it all wrong? A plumped looking girl stared back at her. Her confidence shattered.
Being the average looking girl, she would get stares as she walks along the streets, not that she was beautiful but for the rash she had all over her body. Weird, cold, pitiful stares. She hated that! Hated it so much... She knew people were concerned but who would be able to take all those stares outside.
She got teased in school. "Eeee!! u have non itchy rash! ( a symptom of A.I.D.S)." All she could do was just laugh about it. She could not fight back as she knew it would be childish. A smile and a sarcastic joke made about herself was the only solution to tackle it.
She had to act strong infront of her loved ones and friends because if they knew, they will be hurt. She hated to be pitied by others. Everytime the topic came up, the answer she could give was just " Aiyah! used to it already lah. People wanna see, let them see lor! The most, I will wave back at them only" But in her heart, she knew that feeling was otherwise.
She did not want her mother to feel that it was her fault, but she could not help but to feel "ugly" and allow that expression to be written on her face.
Who does not want to be pretty? She was a strong and confident girl in front of her friends but her confidence was eaten away by her image. She worked out like others did. She controlled her diet like others did, but why was it all wrong? It was depressing. Learning that her skin problem, she had to avoid certain type of food, different doctors telling her different remedies but none of them seemed to work. The stress and sadness made her eat even more.
When night falls, her tired mind just wanted some beauty sleep but her skin did not co-operated with her. Waking up in the day, exhausted, she still had to smile and act happy so no one would notice.
"Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder", Bullshit! Staring back at the ugly duckling, she tried to hold back her tears. "Will I ever be pretty one day?..."

Caged bird

Looking from the corner of my eyes, there he sat, listless and exhausted. His eyes were wide but tired. A blank expression washed over his face.
Remembering what a Franciscan father once said: In life, there are 3 luggages. The past, the present and the future. One should never over burden oneself by carrying all 3 luggages because he or she cannot change the past nor predict the future. Hold on to the preset and cherish what you have infront of you always.
Why does he always over burden himself by carrying all 3 luggages when he only need just one to take him through wherever he goes in life? If only he knew how to let go, open up his mind to changes and free his thoughts from everything that had been pushing him down, he would not be the friend I knew today.
I wanted to help him but he does not seems to try by helping himself. Maybe he was really tied down. Caged up. Unable to fly through that fastened lock.
If only I knew how to...

A spark of hope

Walking through the blizzering cold under a thick coated jacket, little imprints of loneliness and heaviness within her heart marked the steps she took as she fought against the weather. Despite the tiredness that was taking over little inches of her strenght as she attempted to move on, she knew she had to be strong.
It was the unseen light from above that gave her the motivation to fight. It filled her with such warmth inside, she did not feel the frost accumulating around her bare feet. She knew that it hope and her self determination that was giving her that undescribeable inner strength. She knew that she will only lose if she gives up or look down on herself.
Believing that she could, she live today with no regret...