Goodbye...

Good Bye

I always thought i was someone my parents looked up to but i just i'm not...

All i want is just good for my family, but it seems i'm too stupid and my stupidity is causing hurt to the people around me.

Father's not usually at home, the older I get, the harder it is to communication with him but i still try and also hoping that there will not be any quarelling when he comes back home.

I love my mother the most. I have just so much respect for her. If only i could be like her.. if only i could be the daughter she wants me to be, but i guessed i've failed her again...

I feel that my brother has made my parents really proud, achievements in school. But not me... I don't think there was even a time my parents , or could i say my mother came for a prize presentation held by my school coz, i wasn't one of the prize winners.

Come to think about it, there is nothing that i've done to make her proud of me...

I know she screams at me, and i know it's for my own good. But i just can't be the person she wants me to be... I have disappointed her time and time again, seeing her flustered face and disappointment in her eyes when she scolds me....

I don't understand why I am so stupid. Till now, i can't even pin point a single thing that i am good at. Maybe coz there isn't any.

I feel bloody shameful to be her daughther... I'm just a disgrace to my family...

There's one thing I do not understand, why the older i get, the more stupid i become? isn't this suppose to be otherwise? one year older, one year wiser... doesn't happen to me...

Today, i told her all of these and she blames herself for instilling such fear into me... It's not all true... She asked me if i had troubles, would i go to her? I just kept silent.

Now her bedroom door is closed... should i go in? maybe the sight of me will make her sick.

The hurt inside is too much to bear anymore...
I really need an avenue to vent it all out...
Tell me what to do..


If after today, I have decided to take my leave, I just to say.. I am not worthy of what GOD had gave me... and all these people that I am blest with, deserve someone better to care for...