Sunday, April 30, 2006

Sundays

SUNDAYS

I'm such a screw up
Are my intentions all wrong?
Everyone thinks I'm lying
They are blaming it on others too

I HATE SUNDAYS!!!!!!!
I HATE SUNDAYS!!!!!!

Sundays were "family day".
It was just a routine day of family gatherings and what have you.
It became church, the youth group.
They weren't happy because Sundays were not the same anymore
It evolved to choir practices. It ended late, or should I say "after lunch hours".
We still tried to squeeze in some time to head out.
Then someone really special came into my life and a whole new group of friends.
I was really happy.
Sundays became a chill out.

I tried to make time on Sundays to be with them
But every good intention turns out to be wrong.
She calls me a "liar"
He hates me going out on Sundays.
He hates me to be in the choir.
I wonder if church was a mistake for me now...

Church is one of the things I enjoyed doing..
But now I dread it.
Cause' it will be a reason for my heart to be pierced by their words.

Forgive me GOD.

I'm lost

I just want to end this misery in me....

But there is no cure for it.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

what if

What if?

What if I did not have eyes to see?
I would not be able to see all the beautiful people to bring harm to them.

What if I did not a nose to breathe?
I would not waste the oxygen around me.

What if I did not have a mouth to speak?
I would not be hurting and pissing anyone off with it.

What if I did not have a brain?
I would not harm the people around me.

What if I did not exist?
It will be the best for the world...

What if

What if?

What if I did not have eyes to see?
I would not be able to see all the beautiful people to bring harm to them.

What if I did not a nose to breathe?
I would not waste the oxygen around me.

What if I did not have a mouth to speak?
I would not be hurting and pissing anyone off with it.

What if I did not have a brain?
I would not harm the people around me.

What if I did not exist?
It will be the best for the world...

What if

What if?

What if I did not have eyes to see?
I would not be able to see all the beautiful people to bring harm to them.

What if I did not a nose to breathe?
I would not waste the oxygen around me.

What if I did not have a mouth to speak?
I would not be hurting and pissing anyone off with it.

What if I did not have a brain?
I would not harm the people around me.

What if I did not exist?
It will be the best for the world...

Friday, April 21, 2006

friends, a little girl's thoughts


Friends, A little girl's thoughts

Dear Diary,

I have been a very, very bad friend. I feel that they are going to give up on me soon. They are not going to call me or be my friend anymore! What am I suppose to do? I cannot live without them! I will be a lonely girl! And no one will love me anymore =( .. I am very scared diary! What should I do?

Love,
Little girl


Dear Little girl

I am a bad friend too. At least I feel I am. I suck more than you. I wonder when they will give up on me too. I know one did, a group of them are going to I suppose. I always wanted to be there for them but circumstances do not allow me to, or am I just finding excuses for myself? Friends suddenly become like an obligation. I feel like crap not being able to see them during gatherings, I feel like an ass when I promised to be there and do not turn up. I feel like fuck when a tone of sacarsm is given to me when I apologise. Guess "sorry" has lost its value. I wonder sometimes if I was friendless, would I feel obligated? I think after you read this little girl, you will hate me for telling you all these. I feel as screwed up as you now. You know, at some points of life, whatever decisions or thoughts you have, to do or not to do seem wrong either ways... Well, this is one of them...

Lots of love,
Diary

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Ne-yo : so sick

Ne-yo : So sick
Mmmm mmm yeah
Do do do do do do do-do
Ohh Yeah
Gotta change my answering machine
Now that I'm alone
Cuz right now it says that we
Can't come to the phone
And I know it makes no sense
Cuz you walked out the door
But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore
(it's ridiculous)
It's been monthsAnd for some reason I just
(can't get over us)
And I'm stronger than this
(enough is enough)
No more walkin round
With my head down
I'm so over being blue
Cryin over you
And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
Gotta fix that calender I have
That's marked July 15th
Because since there's no more you
There's no more anniversary
I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds me
Of what used to be
That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(Leave me alone)
Leave me alone
(Stupid love songs)
Dont make me think about her smile
Or having my first child
I'm letting go
Turning off the radio
Cuz I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)
Said I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)
And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishin' you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
Why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)
Why can't I turn off the radio?
This song keeps playing in my head, not that I am sad or out of love.
I just love it...

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

mindsets

MINDSETS

Asians' mindset ---> Conservative and traditional
Singaporeans' mindset ---> Narrow and dumb
Older Generation's mindset ---> Closed. HOPELESS

Is it wrong to show affection in the open?
Without people thinking that you're cheap or you're a slut?

What is so wrong with our society?
I seriously do not know where the problem lies...

Maybe it is just me...

I guess I am the problem...

Minds of 2

Minds of 2

Evidence was left behind.
It aroused her suspicion
She called the suspect into the room
A tone that was cold and in doubt

It was dark
Yet her piercing stare shone through that darkness.
It was not a good sign.

The interrogation began
The question shot straight like a bullet
The suspect froze.

The suspect's mind
" I tried to use whatever there was to cover my ass
It was mind straining, heart pumping.
I almost wanted to die at that very spot."

The interrogater's mind
" I know they did it! I do not trust him at all
I'm beginning to lose trust in her too
What if they did!? She's a foolish girl!
She's blinded.
I do not trust him.... Do I still trust her?
I don't know..."

The interrogater stood firm of her suspicions
The suspect tired to change her conclusion to what she saw.

The suspect's mind
"I can't take it anymore!
Did she buy what I said?
Was it enough?
I doubt so...."

The interrogater's mind
"Should I believe her?
I really don't know
I still do not trust him
I don't want to think that she's that type of girl..
But how?!"

The suspect's mind
"I love him...
I want her to like him too
I trust him.
I love him."

The interrogater's mind
"I'm just worried..."



Monday, April 10, 2006

fuck appearance

FUCK APPEARANCE

Heavy lumps of mass surrounded his body
Trying to steal glimpse of themselves infront of the spotlight.
He could not see himself anymore, not even his worth inside.

He stepped away from away from his nightmare,
The only one thing that will tell people about the truth of their appearance,
Leaving no mercy.
It was silent yet honest.

Voices of laughter and sarcasm clouded his head
He wanted to scream out loud
He wanted to burst into tears
He wanted an end to everything.
Including himself

He laid on his bed,
buried himself into the soft tenderness
that will not mock his shame.

Though the soft tenderness was there, it did not take the pain away.
It was ripping him apart.
Tearing him up slowly inside.

He felt inferior.
He felt despressed.


I stood from afar
helpless at the sight
My mind is blank.
I wanted to tell him that he is beautiful
I wanted to tell him that he is everything
I wanted to tell him that looks aren't anything
But would I be bluffing myself too?
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"
Everyone says that, male and female alike
But do they even mean what they say?
Fuck the damn world!
Everyone knows that appearance does count!
So wake up your bloody idea
STOP trying to sound "nice" in front
While you mock these people behind
they do not deserve the shit you say
You think it's funny, You think you look damn good?
Well, here's the wake up call
1) You look like a joke
2) You ARE the joke
Don't downgrade yourself,
It pains me to see you do
Word of advice:
Keep your BIG mouth shut
It helps you know
People are born the way they are
If you're good looking, well congrats to you
If you're not. You're special.